Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel like tearing your hair out, but for no apparent reason? Today is one of those. I don't know why but I feel a bit antsy and on edge. Ella has been grizzly and grumpy all day apart from about 20 mins.
We have just begun the 3rd "leap, I've come to dread them, and it's taking it's toll. At the risk of being a Debbie downer and a moaner, some days though you just need a moan, life isn't always rosy and as I swore I would always be 100% transparent. Here goes.
Today, for me, has been a bit of a down day and Ella's mood hasn't helped. Recent events in my personal and family life have forced me to evaluate my thoughts and I feel as though my head is a bit of a mess, I've always been an over thinker - probably one of my biggest down falls aside from perhaps the grumpiness which my husband can attest too.
Since I have had my baby though it feels as if my mind has gone into overdrive and I've become a sensitive, jealous and emotional mess. Nothing could have prepared me for the overwhelming feelings I have towards Ella and the overprotectiveness I feel to the point of not being able to step back and let someone else look after her or feed her. Why? I have no idea and I can't explain it.
I'm also suffering from extreme sensitivity and emotion, my poor hubby, if anyone says anything towards me I can't help but take it to heart and stew over it for days and weeks on end. It gets to the point where I even piss myself off, but I just can't turn my brain off and LET. IT. GO.
All I know is, no one prepared me for this - the hormones and emotions! Can I still blame it on hormones? or am I outside the post-partem time frame for crazy hormones?
It's so frustrating to have days like this where I can't stand being in my own mind but I feel as though it's normal, healthy even, maybe I'm wrong but everyday can't be a good day and it's ok to feel irritated or down. Tomorrow is a new day and all that.
I feel like this post is a bit all over the place, much like my head, and it probably doesn't make any sense whatsoever but I had to get it down on paper - or on virtual paper as it were.
The parenting journey so far has been filled with exhaustion, emotions, frustrations and numerous perplexities. That's normal though. No one said it was easy.
When you get moments like this though...
It's a reminder of why I decided to go on this journey in the first place. When she has grumpy days like today, even the smallest of smiles can make it a little bit easier. Tomorrow is a new day. I just need to remember to "keep calm and carry on".